This hurt me more than anything. Im still crying.

I guess I’m just bored now.

Its been a long a long time.

I’m that fangirl shit gets annoying after like 2 weeks. I tried being nice but I just can’t do it swooning over actors but there has to be a limit on this because its starting to get annoying. I had sit through a movie with people who gave their intelligence to sit there and scream and yell over an actor. People are trying to enjoy the movie you don’t thousands of other females in the theatre screaming like little fucking monkeys. “But its ”. I don’t care and that actor doesn’t care I could understand if that person was there in the flesh. But even then please act mature. Have fucking sanity.

That time when I first saw a body like that and I was hesitant in touching but she grabbed my hand and put it on her breast. She said “Don’t be afraid. My body is yours to do with as you please. Im not going to leash you, men who are leashed become boring and I don’t want you to become boring.” With that I thought I could stop pretending to be this person i’m not and be the beast i always knew I was. She encouraged me and with that i became free. For the first time I could be that beast and express my feelings this way. She hated order and so did I she hated status quo and so did I she hated being civilized and so did I. We just both wanted to be wild and free. We were animals, and we liked it that way. I could caress her body whenever I felt like it and if i didn’t she worried saying that “I wasn’t myself and I’m not touching her like I always do.” She was tender and gentle but rough and wild too.

I guess I just miss those days.